Many people believe that every person should seek a single soulmate, apart from whom they should need no one else. Many others believe that each person should have only one romantic partner, at least at one time. But others don’t think that a single individual can fulfill all of their relationship needs, and therefore they prefer having many partners.
Polyamory, or consensual nonmonogamy, is the practice of having multiple intimate relationships, whether sexual or just romantic, with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Polyamory is generally not gender-specific; anyone can have multiple partners of any gender.
Approximately one in twenty Americans are now in a consensually nonmonogamous relationship, and at least one in five Americans have been in one at some point in their life. An increasing amount of research demonstrates that partners in these kinds of relationships discover and experience the same level of fulfillment and satisfaction from their bonds as do married persons. However, there are also significant obstacles: Openness, permission, trust, communication skills, boundaries that are clear, and mutual respect are all necessary in polyamorous partnerships. Jealousy can surface, particularly when a new partner enters the picture, and arguments about parenting styles can also sour relations.
What Is Polyamory?
Polyamory is distinct from other forms of open relationships, such as swinging—which involves couples having casual sex outside of the relationship, without any emotional attachment. It is often confused with polygamy, or being married to more than one person at the same time, but they are very different. Polygamy specifically involves marriage to multiple people of the opposite gender — most frequently, a man having multiple wives — while polyamory, although it often involves married partners, describes a wider range of relationships, both heterosexual and LBGT.
Due to the stigma that it often attracts, polyamory is often practiced privately and may be kept secret even from close friends and family. At least one in four polyamorous individuals have experienced discrimination, according to the non-profit organization Loving More.
How Does Polyamory Work?
Some polyamorous people have a primary relationship and engage in casual hookups, but most begin secondary relationships with the consent of their primary partner, to whom they are generally married or committed. Introducing a secondary partner requires the primary couple to agree on a set of stipulations, such as date times and the type of intimacy allowed. Research has found that, despite the complications, polyamory offers benefits ranging from greater satisfaction and extra help with child care to increased relationship commitment.
The Benefits and Struggles of Polyamory
The lack of popularity of polyamorous partnerships is not due to a lack of interest in them; in fact, polyamory is becoming more and more popular, and studies on polyamorous couples reveal that they are generally just as happy in their relationships as other couples. However, creating and sustaining polyamorous partnerships is extremely difficult. It’s challenging to find someone who is willing to commit to the same level of honesty and ground rules in a relationship, particularly in a culture that encourages serial monogamy. Mismatched desires for polyamory can also cause problems for partners, particularly when one views it as a lifestyle and the other as their sexual orientation. Because of this, communities—often started online—are created where “poly” people can get together.